Puntalytics

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Punters-only mock draft 1.0

The date is April 30th, 2022. You’ve just awoken from a peaceful two-day slumber during which nothing of consequence happened. You settle in front of the television to excitedly watch teams make the most important, franchise-shaping roster decisions of the calendar year. It’s day 3 of the draft baby! Here is what you can expect to see:

Round 4:

Ravens (141): With their fifth (!!) pick in the fourth round the Ravens shock the world and draft Matt Araiza, PUNTER, San Diego State University.

Think that’s crazy, well it’s not. Sam Koch will turn 40 this year and has not posted a top-10 season since 2017. He was also quite a bit below average in 2021. As much as we love him, father time may finally be catching up. Add to that the fact that John Harbaugh’s background is as a Special Teams Coordinator, AND that the Ravens go for it as much as anyone beyond their 40, so Araiza’s lack of pin-deep prowess will be less of a concern for them. Did we mention they have five (!!!) fourth rounders? Why not use the final one on an eventual starter with perennial all-pro upside! More on Araiza

Round 5:

No Punters are selected but the Bears reaaaaaally think about nabbing Jordan Stout at #186. Too many holes and not enough picks for Poles to draft a punter. They’ll settle for Illinois’s Blake Hayes after the draft.

Round 6:

TRADE!

LA Chargers send #214 and a 2023 6th to the Bengals for #209 and draft Jordan Stout, Punter, Penn State!

A future sixth to move up five spots in the sixth… these Puntalytics people are crazy, you must be thinking. We are, thank you for noticing. But here’s why this could ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Here are the teams picking between 209 and 214: Bengals, Patriots, Rams, Rams (again), Falcons, and Chargers. This is prime Stout territory, and if the Chargers want him (which they should), they’ll have to trade up to get him. Yes this is our actual, 100%, real-life prediction, yes we’re sticking to it. More on Stout

Round 7:

Bengals (226): With the 226th pick in the draft the Bengals select Jake Camarda, Punter, Georgia.

The Bengals were OK trading back in the sixth round and missing out on Jordan Stout because they’ve had their eye on Camarda throughout the entire pre-draft process. Cincinnati did not re-sign long time vet Kevin Huber after the season, so they bet on Camarda, here. He will compete with 2021 UDFA Drue Chrisman in the preseason and there WILL be fireworks. More on Camarda

Eagles (237): At #237 The Eagles select Ryan Stonehouse, Punter, Colorado State.

Stonehouse, a big-boot specialist with less success in pin-deep situations is a polar opposite to Philadelphia’s current punter Arryn Siposs and the two duke it out in training camp. Ultimately, the Eagles decide on the first ever two-punter unit: Stonehouse flips the field and Siposs pins them deep. Offensive line depth be damned, the Birds WILL optimize field-position. More on Stonehouse

Rams (253): The reigning Super Bowl champs take a shot on Race Porter, Punter, Washington.

Ok, we’ll admit it, this won’t happen. No one is as high on Porter as us. Full disclosure, we haven’t talked to the Rams, so we don’t know that for sure, they might be riding high on Porter Airlines as well. Not sure either how well dark beers do in LA. Porter? hardly know her! Now I’m done. Good for you for getting through the end of this mock draft. More on Porter, you sicko

UDFA predictions for the super sickos

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